As an average mum of a 2-year-old who tackled post-partum anxiety, here are 6 wisdoms to keep front of mind when entering this life stage.
Understanding your post-partum hormone journey and timeline
Personally, I think knowing the reason for a feeling can be key in allowing you to work through it. I live by the practice of validating one’s feelings, however if you are feeling unhinged right now, you can safely blame your hormones for that one. You have just experienced the fastest hormone change possible by any being in existence. Things are going a little haywire. Give yourself a few weeks to come out of the initial fog before you create any expectations for yourself. There is no rush. Stay at home, bond with bubba and accept all the help you can get.
It’s fine to not enjoy the newborn phase, you are not a bad mum
When I first had my son, I was riddled with guilt because I didn’t feel the instant connection with him or thrive in the newborn phase. I thought there was something wrong with me. I quickly learnt that this is very normal. A good number of women I confided in also had the ‘what have we done’ moment in the first week after bringing baby home. If you’re in that place, I promise you it WILL get easier, and you WILL feel more confident in time.
You and your baby are strangers
Bit of a hot take I know but remember that you’ve never met your baby before (and they haven’t met you). You’ve spent a lot of time bonding with a foetus for the past 9 months, but now they are here, have you introduced yourself yet? Every now and then, forget the academic research and journal articles and get to know your bub. They are all incredibly unique and really do have little personalities from day one.
Go outside
That’s it. Go and get some vitamin D. Doesn’t have to be a 5km or even 5 metres for that matter. Go and sit out on your porch/doorstep/balcony or take a walk to the letter box. Fresh air and a breeze will do absolute wonders for a tired mind and body and remind you that there is still a whole world outside.
Lean on your support system
I’m not a fan of a cliché, so I steer clear of the ‘it takes a village’ phrase, but it’s true. There are people in your life who want to support you, so let them. Chances are there is nothing they would like more than to sit on your couch with baby while you nap or do your laundry while you feed. If your village is a bit thin on the ground, social media is a great place to find other mums in your area who you can connect with.
Be selective about the information that you are taking onboard
There is an INSANE amount of information available to you right now; great to educate yourself with, not so great for the already piquing overwhelm and 2 am doom scrolling. Be discerning about the information that you choose to apply to your journey. There is going to be a lot of contradicting information, so don’t feel like you have to apply everything - mostly because that is literally impossible. Spend some time getting to know your baby and new routine, and then the info that feels right to you is going to become clear.
Prioritize yourself when you can
It may feel unnatural with a newborn but make time to take care of yourself every day. Don’t scrap your self-care rituals now that there is a baby depending on you. Start off by setting aside half an hour each day so that you can continue doing the things that make you feel human. This might be skincare, meditating, taking your supplements, doing your make up, showering. You’re a parent now, but you’re also still a human and you deserve to feel good each day.
You have just joined an elite club. Being a parent is the most challenging, formative and amazing thing that you will ever experience. The journey isn’t linear and there are going to be some days that are harder than others, but with the right systems and support you are going to thrive.
